I can think of at least four or five of my dear friends that will cringe as they see the title of this post. They know it is part of the lyric to a song that I sang often and it makes me cry. They thought they successfully got me to stop, sadly, I find myself singing or humming the song lately.

I cannot recall how many times I have cried singing that song. Mostly in the shower since it was a place of escape where I could cry in privacy and also think long and hard. I dreamed of a cure, I reflected on our lives before the diagnosis, I thought of my mistakes, things I wish I had done differently, our daughters and their Dad that they love so dearly. I also had great moments of darkness, as I thought of the unthinkable, how can there be life without David? The mere thought that David may not overcome the disease was an unbearable one. How could I ever function in such a world?

Two days before the funeral, I was overwhelmed with emotions and went to take a shower. I stood there crying and singing my sad song. I realized that what I always feared and knew to be unbearable had happened. I would have to bury David. How was I suppose to do that? How can there be life without David?

As I stepped out of the shower, my Sister and these dear friends were there to console me. They knew when to listen and what to say. However, they insisted I must stop singing that song since it only triggered sadness. Resiliently, I told them that I could not stop because it is my story and it is a sad story. They did not accept my response. Eventually, they lightened the mood, brought some smile, and helped me get ready for the trip.

Thanks Ladies for being amazing and getting me through some of my biggest despair.