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There are moments that I have found myself wondering irrationally if David really existed or if it was all a dream that I am waking up from. Did I imagine him – his love, his character, my life with David? I am quick to realize that it was not a dream, I know he existed, plus our children are the best reminder of my dearest David.
I have never heard that wondering if a loved one really existed is part of grieving, so I questioned where the thoughts that David may have been a dream is coming from. I assume it is because I struggle to understand my life without him. Plus, my life with David was the life I dreamed of AND it was my reality. Now my new reality has me questioning if the one I dreamed of actually happened.
Strangely, in the early years of our relationship, I wrote a note to David and titled it “Dreams”. It was about our love and how it was too good to be true and must be a dream that would eventually end. This letter is an eerily reflection of my current predicament.
I remember the thought behind the letter at that time. It was a reflection of the fact that were from two different worlds and cultures and while everything seemed perfect to us, we questioned if it was possible to have a future together.
In retrospect, I want to rewrite the letter and emphasize that I would not be waking up from my perfect dream.
A picture of the letter “Dreams” is shown below.