Tag Archives: Gratitude

Getting the job I wanted

04 Tuesday Nov 2014

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Recently, someone asked me what I do at work and as I explained, I remembered that it was David that helped me get my first job in the industry.

Soon after graduating from college, I realized that most of the jobs I was interested in required 3 to 5 years of work experience as a result I was getting limited or no response to the jobs I applied for.

One day, I saw a posting for a job I really wanted that fitted my skill set. I mentioned it to David and asked if he could help get the company to look at my resume. He succeeded in reaching in HR Manager and also getting him to look at my resume. Soon enough I had an interview at the company and was hired.

David was successfully in making the contact based on his personality and expertise. It was not because he had any direct contact within the company. He always had a way with people and could win over many. His voice was energetic and friendly. Like one of his friends wrote in a tribute to David, he never met a stranger. He could easily find something to talk to anyone about. He frequently said to me “you can get more with honey than vinegar”.

Thank you David for always believing in me and seeing the best in me.

Below is a picture of David and me on my first business trip.

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Where are they now?

07 Tuesday Oct 2014

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I recall many generous commitments people made as they called to offer their condolences. I remain grateful for all the sentiments and the comments and I am especially grateful for those that continue to check on our well being.

No surprise there are others that I haven’t heard from since then. The only ones that are surprising are those that go into details of the things they would do to help us as we cope with the loss of David and were never to be heard from again.

The one I find most striking was the social worker with the hospice care. She and the nurse were at home with us on that fateful day. Part of the service they provide is bereavement support. Something the social worker seemed very sincere about as she said she would check on me and the kids regularly to see how we are coping and ensure access to services needed to cope with grief. I have not heard from her or the nurse since then.

As I reflect on her absence despite what seemed like a genuine interest in me and the kids at that time. I believe that since people struggle to find the right things to say to someone who has lost a loved one, the alternative is to offer their kindness/commitment. I still do not know what to say to others who have lost a loved one but I am mindful of not making commitments that I cannot keep.

Seeing that the social worker in a profession of dealing with loss and grief did not follow through, it is certainly understandable that it would be much more difficult for others in general to follow through with commitments they make as they try to comfort someone dealing with the loss of a love one.

I have to say that I am truly lucky to have an amazing family, great friends, and a wonderful community that is helping us cope. Some of these people I got to know as a result of David’s passing and I am so touched by their kindness. Thanks for dealing with me, thank you for your care and support.

 

Godparents

18 Monday Aug 2014

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David with the Godparents and our older daughters

When our older daughter was born, it just seemed procedural that we would choose Godparents. I asked David who the Godparents would be, without hesitation he selected my dearest friend from College and her husband who was also his best man at our wedding.

At that time, it was more of a reflections of valued friendship, trust, and our relationship. I never gave much thoughts to what having Godparents really meant other than the associated religious ceremonies or celebrating events together. I certainly never even thought of the notion that they were selected so that they would be available to step in in the absence of a parent.

I am thankful for David’s choice of Godparent for our daughters. Over the years, our friendship has remained solid. Even when life situation kept us geographically apart, we always stayed connected and even vacationed together.  They have never missed a birthday, anniversary or any other special event in our lives.

This summer, I am especially thankful for all the time we spent together as their family helped brightened the summer for me and my children.

This is my story, this is my song

09 Friday May 2014

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I can think of at least four or five of my dear friends that will cringe as they see the title of this post. They know it is part of the lyric to a song that I sang often and it makes me cry. They thought they successfully got me to stop, sadly, I find myself singing or humming the song lately.

I cannot recall how many times I have cried singing that song. Mostly in the shower since it was a place of escape where I could cry in privacy and also think long and hard. I dreamed of a cure, I reflected on our lives before the diagnosis, I thought of my mistakes, things I wish I had done differently, our daughters and their Dad that they love so dearly. I also had great moments of darkness, as I thought of the unthinkable, how can there be life without David? The mere thought that David may not overcome the disease was an unbearable one. How could I ever function in such a world?

Two days before the funeral, I was overwhelmed with emotions and went to take a shower. I stood there crying and singing my sad song. I realized that what I always feared and knew to be unbearable had happened. I would have to bury David. How was I suppose to do that? How can there be life without David?

As I stepped out of the shower, my Sister and these dear friends were there to console me. They knew when to listen and what to say. However, they insisted I must stop singing that song since it only triggered sadness. Resiliently, I told them that I could not stop because it is my story and it is a sad story. They did not accept my response. Eventually, they lightened the mood, brought some smile, and helped me get ready for the trip.

Thanks Ladies for being amazing and getting me through some of my biggest despair.

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Sister, Sisters

24 Monday Mar 2014

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_MG_5239My Sister who moved across country to live in the same state with us almost immediately after we got the news of the cancer reoccurrence. This was a great sacrifice because you left simply to be close to us. You left your job, took a cut in pay but you said you never looked back.  In fact, you did not see it as a sacrifice but rather as the right decision.

Having you closer to us is priceless. David loved you like a Sister. The girls are so fond of you. Each time you come over, they run to you like they have not seen you in ages, even if they saw you the previous day. You are the reason why David cried with joy after our younger daughter was born as he said “I am so happy we have another girl”. With tears streaming down his face, he said “they can be close like you and your Sister, and your Mom and her Sister”.

When we were younger we joked that you always followed me around, now I find myself looking to you for guidance and support. You always have the right things to say or the right approach in different situations. You know me so well, no matter how hard I try to mask my mood, you know when I am happy, sad, or excited. Sometimes, it is like you know me more than I know myself. In fact, David used to call you to reason with me. You knew when I should be ignored or encouraged. I remember the evening before my wedding when I went bridezella over a subtle error on the program at about 2 am and I wanted it corrected, you were the only one that laughed at me until I realized the ridiculousness.

You are always there for me, for us. In the good times you are beaming with me and in the difficult times you have been there to encourage me. You  took the girls to school as David and I ran from appointments to appointments. You took them out to play when we could not.  You were there to listen to me wailing and crying from the torment that cancer brought to our life. After David passed, you never left my side. You took calls for me when you knew I was in no position to talk. You always know when to step in when life gets too overwhelming for me.

Writing this post is making me cry because of the love I have for you and my gratitude to you. We have been close since childhood, we shared a bedroom even though we did not have to. Having you in my life has made the good time even better and the hard times a bit more bearable. This post also made me realize that you and I have very few pictures together.

Below is a picture that David always wanted – “three generations of Sisters” he called it. There is certainly a very powerful Sister bond in this family, one that David and I hope continues with our daughters – who also like sharing the same bedroom and currently they enjoy wearing matching outfits.

 

Strength from blog readers

22 Saturday Mar 2014

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It was the week leading to David’s passing that I decided that I was going to start blogging. I told my Sister and she agreed that it will be a good idea. The main motivation was because I had bottled so much up for so long and I felt that blogging will let me get it out.

After David passed, I was also motivated to blog in order to keep his legacy going, hoping it is something our daughters will read as they get older to continue to remind them of the amazing man their Dad was.

The only decision was whether to make the blog public or private. In a complete 180 degree from my usual modus operandi and without much hesitation I decided it will be public. I was inspired to share our story because while we were going through it, it felt like such a lonely world.

What I did not realize was that the readers of the blog (some I do not even know) will be source of strength for me. You guys have empowered me by reading the blog, by sharing your comments, by sharing your stories, with the poems, and by encouraging me to believe I am strong when it does not seem apparent to me.

I thank you so much for reading the blog, sharing your experiences, sharing my pain and anger with me, your prayers, your kind thoughts, letting me know when you can relate to certain posts, and for encouraging me to keep writing. I am sincerely grateful.

My sunshine

21 Friday Mar 2014

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My daughters are truly my sunshine.  They brighten my day, they do not allow me to stay in bed defeated. They are full of energy and love. They show affection, they have passion, they are demanding, they can be fussy and they know exactly what they want. To me, they are perfect, to their Dad they were beyond perfect. I am so grateful for their love.

I chose to start today happy and to be grateful for these girls and the amazing legacy of David that they are. Here are some of the things they have said in the past that continues to warm my heart.

“I love you more than you think I can”

“You are my Mom, you are my Dad, you are part of my Dad and I love you for who you are. I know nobody told you that before”

“Mommy, l kiss your boo boo (then kissed my chest), no more boo boo ok”

David lives on in them and they are my strength and inspiration. They keep the house alive and full of energy.

Thank you, thank you

02 Sunday Mar 2014

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Where do I begin?

Thank you for everything. Your love and support has been extensive.

The cards, the groceries, the flowers, fruit baskets, cookies, cupcakes, more sweet treats, stuffed animals, monetary gifts . The gift of time – visits, phone calls, text messages, emails, homemade meals, plowing snow to name a few.

Reading the cards brought hope to me and feeling of gratitude that people were thinking about us and sympathetic to our grief. The flowers and the plants brighten the house. The fruit baskets, brownies, chocolate, cookies, cupcakes and other sweet treat became a balanced diet for us – one note stated “lets sugar up the kids” it worked, they ran around the house filled with energy. The homemade meals warmed my heart and provided much needed nutritious calories.

For those that attended the funeral, thank you for making the trip. Many traveled hundreds of miles, others thousands of miles, left your young children at home, found tickets at the last minute and in many cases paid exorbitantly. We were surrounded by your love and this made the day easier.

Thank you to everyone that is reading the blog, this is my therapy. It is my outlet, it allows me to feel connected with David.

Below is a picture of a dear friend of the family, Richard who flew in to offer condolences plowing snow in his suit and dress pants.

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