Tag Archives: Father’s Day

Father’s Day Blues

20 Saturday Jun 2015

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Since my Dad died, Father’s Day has been a challenging day for years. In fact, the year he died, Father’s day was the same day as his birthday. No doubt, Father’s day was even harder last year. To cope, I tried to treat it as just a regular day. This year is no different but in addition, I will be proactively staying away from social media and I have deleted some app.

The last couple of weeks have been especially hard for my younger daughter.  The permanence of David’s absence seems to becoming more painful to bear and she cries almost nightly asking for her Daddy before falling asleep.

A few nights ago, she asked if her Daddy is coming back home yet. Sadly, I reminded her that he cannot come back home because he is dead and he will only live on in our heart. She thought about my response and said, she had an idea. She said that we can go to the airplane and get him to come back. Heartbroken, I again explained to her that he cannot come back home because he is dead. She responded saying “I am so angry” and she growled and clenched her fist.  That was the first time she expressed anger about the absence of her Dad.

We have had similar conversations almost nightly over the last couple of weeks. Two day earlier she came to me and eagerly she said, “Mommy, can I ask you for something”? She had the excited look of a child that wanted a bowl of marshmallows or some other delightful snack. Her cuteness was irresistible and I knew I was going to give her whatever she asked for. Then, she asked if she can have her Daddy back. My heartbroke as I said I wish I could but that is something that Mommy cannot do.

I know they have been spending time at school working on Father’s Day craft. On Thursday was so happy to show me her Father’s Day project. It was a frame she decorated that included a picture of her and David. She said, “this is for you and for my Daddy”. She has carried the picture around the house happily since then and she insist on sleeping with the picture next to her.

As she is getting older she is becoming more aware of the loss and trying to cope with the grief. I also wonder if the activities at school for Father’s Day (which I agreed she can participate in) contributes to the pain she is feeling lately.

On Friday, my older daughter came home with her Father’s Day project which melted my heart. Last year, she opted out of doing anything but this year she did a project and dedicated it to my younger brother. A person David was so fond off and considered him his brother.  Below is a picture of my daughter with my brother.

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Precious moments with Daddy

15 Sunday Jun 2014

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Learning to blow bubbles with Daddy
Manicure by Daddy

The pictures above are two of my favorite pictures of David with our daughters. For me, they capture some of the essence of David as a father. He was a hands-on, down to earth Daddy. Fatherhood brought out the child in him. He knew when to play rough with the girls and when to be dainty with his precious princesses.

David, you were made to be a Dad. You looked forward to becoming one and saying you will climb to the top of the mountain and rejoice for everyone to hear. I remember you crying with joy and pride the day you became a father, the pride and joy these girls brought you was never ending.

I know there is no where else you would have wanted to be than with your family. Home with your girls was your better place.  You loved life and life with your daughters. We miss you dearly, everyday. I am so sad knowing that the girls are missing out of making more precious memories with you. So today and every day we continue to hold on to the precious memories we had with you.

Below is a picture of our older daughter that I gave David on his first Father’s Day as I told him that she will be saying Dad in time for father’s day.

To all amazing Dads, Happy Fathers Day!

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Frosting for Daddy

14 Saturday Jun 2014

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Eating frosting with Daddy
Eating frosting with Daddy

I knew Father’s day was coming and I made a very conscious decision to disregard the day because I think it will be one of the hard days. I changed channels whenever I heard anything about father’s day or avoided any promotional emails regarding the day.  I recall it being a very painful day for me following the loss of my Dad. I wanted to avoid making a big deal of the day knowing the emotions of my daughters and I are at stake.

The only thing I did proactively regarding Father’s Day was asking their teachers to ensure that my daughters were not excluded from any Father’s day related project. I have previously explained to my daughters that even though Daddy is not here anymore, they have a Dad that is forever in their hearts.

My older daughter opted out of participating in any of the Father’s day projects. She said she did not want to do the project because she could not give it to her Daddy, a decision that I respected and commended. Soon after she told me about her decision, she started crying. She was sad that every child in the class was able to make a project that they will give to their Dads. I explained that in the future if she wanted to make anything for Daddy she can and we will pin it on the board where David used to pin all the arts and crafts they made for him.

Instead of a father’s day project, she brought home a memory box with a note about things she remembers about her Daddy. The note was very touching and moved me to tears, I was marveled at some of the details of things she remembers and it allowed me to reflect on those memories.

One that stuck out the most were her memories of eating frosting with Daddy. I was reminded of the fond memories of David and the girls eating frosting rather than the cake. She also remembered me getting upset with David on the morning of my younger daughter’s birthday when he finished eating what he thought was leftover frosting but it was frosting I was still planning to use to finish her cake and I asked that he make a new batch.

In a previous conversation, she asked that since Daddy likes frosting we should make a “frosting cake” for his upcoming birthday. She explained a frosting cake as a cake made entirely of frosting. So we will be stacking up the butter, cream and sugar in hopes that the cake will help us smile as we remember David on his birthday.

For Father’s day, we have nothing special planned. It will be just another Sunday but that does not mean David is not constantly on our minds. I just do not feel compelled to do anything extra to recognize the day knowing it will only make the girls sadder about the absence of their beloved Daddy, my dearest David. Also, it is a painful reminder of the absence my Daddy dearest.

 

No, there is nothing “fabulous” about death

17 Saturday May 2014

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Yesterday when I picked my daughter from school, I expressed the desire that my daughter participates in any father’s day related project they planned in the class. This was well understood as I expected. However, I was surprised by the overzealous comment someone made as she said — great that way you can take it to the cemetery and that would be “fabulous”.

I was shocked that this person assumed it was my desire to take it to the cemetery and most of all that anyone could attribute going to the cemetery to place father’s day memorabilia for a Father that died too soon as fabulous. Calming, I responded that “no, there is nothing fabulous about it, in fact, it is sad”.

I realize that it was not said in malice or to be hurtful. The choice of the word “fabulous” probably reflects the overuse thanks to pop culture.  Nevertheless, it felt hurtful and it was thoughtless. If it was so fabulous, would this young lady feel fabulous if this is what she had to do for her Dad on Father’s Day?