This was the first time we were away from home as I took the girls on vacation. I am thankful to say they had fun and that brightened my time away.  I looked at them laughing and having a good time, and this made me smile.  It reminded me of the way David would look at me and smile when I was giggly with excitement of a child as he introduced me to new things or took me to new places.

It was rough being away without David, two words “David died” kept pounding my mind. I walked around almost in shock that David died. So many things reminded me of David, our travels and adventures before having kids and our life after kids. I kept thinking what will David do. While watching a show with the girls, I was reminded of how magical the experience was for me when I watched it with David several years ago. As I watched with the girls, tears flowed from my eyes as I felt the void in our life without David, who should have been sitting with us.

Even in the midst of fun, the girls also missed their Dad terribly. Once we got on the plane to depart, my younger daughter immediately started crying that she wanted to go home. She insisted that she wanted her Daddy. I want my Daddy, I want my Daddy was all she said as she cried. Others on the plane may have assumed that I snatched her off her Dad’s arm and was fleeing the country. What became shocking and almost paranormal was that once she sat in her chair, she looked outside the window and immediately stopped crying, her face lit up, happily she smiled and said “I see Daddy, Daddy is right here”. She was pointing outside the window. She remained content for the rest of the flight and insisted that the window stayed open so she could keep looking at her Daddy.

At some point during the vacation, my older daughter said to me “each time I see someone’s Daddy, I feel sad that I do not have my Daddy anymore”. Later that day, she said “Mommy, you know what, throughout the trip, I believed Daddy was at home and that is why I was not sad”. What a great coping mechanism.

When my younger daughter was playing with another girl, the girl asked where her Daddy is. Confidently, my daughter replied that “My Daddy in the sky”. The girl was baffled as she said “he is” and then almost sounding disappointed she said her Dad was on the chair.

Despite the challenges, the girls had a blast. They had fun from the moment they woke up and remained energetic into the late hours of the evening. They even got a surprise visit from their cousins and this added to the nonstop fun.  My Mom and I needed some extra days to recover from the vacation.

At the end we were all ready to go home as my younger daughter said, I want to go home to Daddy. Although David is not home, home is where I find the most comfort, it is a place of solace and where I feel closest to David.