Since my Dad died, Father’s Day has been a challenging day for years. In fact, the year he died, Father’s day was the same day as his birthday. No doubt, Father’s day was even harder last year. To cope, I tried to treat it as just a regular day. This year is no different but in addition, I will be proactively staying away from social media and I have deleted some app.

The last couple of weeks have been especially hard for my younger daughter.  The permanence of David’s absence seems to becoming more painful to bear and she cries almost nightly asking for her Daddy before falling asleep.

A few nights ago, she asked if her Daddy is coming back home yet. Sadly, I reminded her that he cannot come back home because he is dead and he will only live on in our heart. She thought about my response and said, she had an idea. She said that we can go to the airplane and get him to come back. Heartbroken, I again explained to her that he cannot come back home because he is dead. She responded saying “I am so angry” and she growled and clenched her fist.  That was the first time she expressed anger about the absence of her Dad.

We have had similar conversations almost nightly over the last couple of weeks. Two day earlier she came to me and eagerly she said, “Mommy, can I ask you for something”? She had the excited look of a child that wanted a bowl of marshmallows or some other delightful snack. Her cuteness was irresistible and I knew I was going to give her whatever she asked for. Then, she asked if she can have her Daddy back. My heartbroke as I said I wish I could but that is something that Mommy cannot do.

I know they have been spending time at school working on Father’s Day craft. On Thursday was so happy to show me her Father’s Day project. It was a frame she decorated that included a picture of her and David. She said, “this is for you and for my Daddy”. She has carried the picture around the house happily since then and she insist on sleeping with the picture next to her.

As she is getting older she is becoming more aware of the loss and trying to cope with the grief. I also wonder if the activities at school for Father’s Day (which I agreed she can participate in) contributes to the pain she is feeling lately.

On Friday, my older daughter came home with her Father’s Day project which melted my heart. Last year, she opted out of doing anything but this year she did a project and dedicated it to my younger brother. A person David was so fond off and considered him his brother.  Below is a picture of my daughter with my brother.