Grief brings so much anger. Anger with myself, the world, the doctors, cancer. Angry that while my world was disrupted, the rest of the world in general moves on. Also in some moments of great despair, I wanted to find something about David that would anger me with hopes that it would provide temporary relief but there was nothing.

I also realized that I was angry at some people. Mostly, people that I thought were close friends or family, that just simply disappeared from my life following David’s death. I actually did not fully realize I was angry at them until the beginning of this year when one of them called me and reluctantly I picked up the call and I was very unpleasant.

Until then, I thought I simply viewed their action/lack of as a poor reflection of their character and I knew I was fine with moving on with my life without them. I did not realize that I had also built up a toxic anger.

The realization of my anger was a defining moment. I had to release myself of this anger. The anger from grief is more than enough to bear. To do this, I needed to realized that most, if not all of this individuals did not even know that I felt hurt by their silence. I reminded myself of the fact that some people simply do not know how to approach someone that is bereaved.

Ironically and randomly, this year, I have had a chance to talk to these people. The conversation proved that they were not heartless people without a soul as my anger led me to think. They avoided me because they did not know what to say and not because they thought it would be hurtful. Understandably, my relationship with some of these people may never be the same but it reinforced why I should try to assume positive intent – at least for the sake of my sanity when possible.