In the midst of my despair, even when I could not say much or barely think, I recall everyone that called, text, emailed, sent cards or flowers to express their condolences. I was overwhelmed with gratitude and comforted knowing that these people cared enough to reach out to me and my family.

Lately, I realize that some individuals David and/or I may have considered acquaintances never reached out to express condolences, some of these individuals even attended our wedding. So today, I wondered why they never bothered to reach out. Is it the awkwardness of death – a topic most of us like to avoid? Or is it discomfort with not knowing the right thing to say to someone that is grieving? Or did they just not care to sympathize?

I have now encountered some of these individuals and the first thing that comes to my mind is that this person did not bother to send condolences. Then I am baffled when the first question some of them ask me is “how are you doing?”. I find this question rather irritating because to me, it ignores my state of grief and also because the question does not warrant the cliche response of good, great. To me without ever acknowledging my loss, the question simply discounts my grief which is with me 24/7 and frankly I have no desire to proceed in a casual conversation with the person.

I recall that many of the people that reached out to express their condolences were lost for words but they reached out nevertheless and this meant a lot to me. Frankly, I did not know how to support those that were grieving in the past. With the support that others have shown and are showing me and my family, I have learned how I can better support a bereaved person. A lesson, one hopes to never need but one that is part of life.