Remembering you Daddy, you are unforgettable. You are our rock, your guidance and wisdom helped in shaping who I am today. I always knew not to be fearful or worried because I  knew Daddy would protect us. I tried to ensure that I would always make you proud. I wanted to remain Daddy’s little girl forever. I miss eating your dinner with you, for some reason everything tasted better on your plate, especially rice and fish.

Your death was shocking and devastating to our family. It changed me forever, at times it made me question the purpose of life, a life without you just seemed senseless and other times it made me fearful of living knowing that it could be gone in an instance.

I mourned endlessly, people tried to assure us that time helps. I remembered thinking I just want to sleep and wake up three years later if time helps. At the three year anniversary, I reflected on that thinking and the loss was still incomprehensible  but as a family we learned to be sustained by your sweet memories and navigate life with more determination.

Your death was my first experience with grief, it was debilitating. I went through the shock, the denial, the anger, the emotional roller coaster as I lived in a world that is business as usual, and eventually the acceptance of how to balance coping with your loss with living life without you. I came to terms that you will remain forever young, I will never see you age, you will not be at my wedding, and never meet your grandchildren. In every phase of my life, I celebrate you and was thankful for the meaningful life you had and the one you gave us.

Following the recent passing of my dearest David, old wounds are reopened as I mourn the loss of the two dearest men in my life. There are days that I am crying and it becomes blurred if I am crying about David, you, or both. Your death also helps me understand how my children are/may be dealing with the loss of their Dad. As your memories have sustained me, I pray that the memories of their Dad will also bring them comfort and happiness.

After 13 years, I miss you just like it was yesterday. I love you immensely and never stop thinking about you.

Sincerely,

Your “Chocolate and popcorn” daughter