Interactions with Doctors, their staff, and hospitals became a routine in our lives.  I recalled one week between David’s illness and my pregnancy we visited 4 hospitals in one week for various tests/appointments. Our experience in dealing with so many Doctors definitely shed light on the different types of doctors. I categorize them into those that were truly compassionate, those that viewed themselves with too much self regard, and those that were driven by the dollars.

The most compassionate doctor David had was his first Oncologist. You could tell that he really wanted to do the best to ensure David beat the disease. David was in the hospital when the reoccurrence was confirmed.  He came to inform us of the extent of the spread of the disease, You could see the sadness in his eyes as he talked. While he did not over promise he was committed to ensuring we started with the next course of the treatment that may offer some relief/hope.

He facilitated the transition of care to Memorial Sloan Kettering and worked closely with the Doctors there and also tried to assist in helping us get an appointment as fast as possible. Even when David was no longer under his care, he called David often to check on his progress, ensured he reviewed every scan results, provided further guidance. When Sloan Kettering said watch and wait, knowing how determined we were, he pointed us in directions of others that may have alternative considerations not available in his hospital.

I recalled David asking him to promise he will help ensure that David would be around to walk his daughters down the aisle and grudgingly he said he promised but you could tell that he did not fully believe it but wanted to be hopeful for our sake.

The last time he called was in December, he called me after trying David’s phone to no avail. I informed him that David was under hospice care. He was compassionately apologetic, it was as if it was a personal defeat for him. His sympathy was genuine, he standout above the rest.

Another Doctor that is noteworthy is David’s anesthesia pain Doctor, he was responsible for managing the intrathecal pain pump. The IT pump was what provided David the best control for his pain. This doctor was readily available despite a very busy schedule whenever I called to report increase pain, they promptly gave us an appointment and he adjusted the medication accordingly. I am truly grateful to him and the staff in his office for all they did to accommodate David’s needs and control the pain.

One other Doctor sticks out since he tried his best to help relieve some of the swelling in his leg.  While David’s second Oncologist was dismissive, this Doctor at least gave it his best shot by attempting to stent one of the key veins that was causing blockage. While it was not successful, I was grateful that he tried, we were fully aware that it may not work. Of course, we were completely saddened that it did not work, he was so compassionate as he saw me breakdown hysterically.  In fact, I am afraid he may have regretted trying, to the extent that if he sees another patient with a similar profile he may avoid trying to avoid the devastation. He had empathy because sadly he had lost his brother to cancer.

This is one of several posts that details our experience with bladder cancer. A concise summary of the overall experience can be found in the blog post titled “breaking the silence”.