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The last time I left my office I was a married woman, today, I returned with the most unwanted status, a word I despise. I struggle to even type it..WIDOWED. The word makes me feel handicapped. While I can understand that David is gone, this is one status I am not embracing.
Some have asked why am I going back to work already. For me it is simple, why not. What will I do at home? It does not take away the pain. In fact the longer I stay home the more difficult it may be to re-adjust to the routine of work.
I dressed for work making sure I did not look like a hot mess. I tried to keep my head up like it was a normal day at work. This was short lived, as I started driving to work, I was reminded that I did not see David in this morning:
- He did not insist on ironing an outfit that looked perfectly fine to me
- He did not give me a thumbs up or thumbs down on my outfit
- He did not keep informing me of the time to ensure that I wasn’t running late for work (this used to annoy me)
- He did not say “I love you”
- He will not be calling to find out how my day is going
- I will not hear him say “Happy Monday” or “it is almost Friday” (even on Monday)
- He will not be leaving any messages for me or sending me any emails
- He will no longer drive me to work or pick the kids from school
All I have now are the memories and that just does not seem sufficient. I managed ok at work today, thanks to a pep talk from my dear friend and thanks to David who always told me “you can do anything”. I am also thankful to my co-workers for being so supportive.
VICTORY CHEST 
I am glad you hear that you’ve returned to work. Working will help you get back to some state of normality, or what the “new normal” will be. You’re amazingly strong and I know you can do this! Hugs (((())))) -Tim
thank you for the encouragement, still navigating the way through this “new normal”
You don’t know me but a good friend pointed me in the direction of your blog.
I always think of what the perfect thing to say to you might be, something that would feel like a hug. Because quite simply, that is all I feel like doing when I read your posts. Imperfect words just don’t somehow feel like they would even begin to cut it.
Just need you to know that I think you are quite simply AMAZING. David chose well when he chose you. And clearly so did you when you chose him. In my opinion, together you did an awesome job of conquering the big bad C.
I come here everyday when I need some centering, to kind of recalibrate. Or when I need some context to ‘life’ in the everyday sense.
You are an inspiration, so are your girls in the way you describe them (I’ve got a 4 year old myself).
May God’s embrace to each one of you never feel weak. May David’s never feel distant.
You are my prayers always. Hope work goes ok tomorrow.
Thank you so much. I am grateful for your comments and especially appreciate the reference to conquering the big bad C because we refuse to be defeated by it, we will claim victory over it.