Yesterday, I took the girls to a play at the local community theatre.  The tickets were purchased a while back.  They were excited about going. Since I have taken them out to other shows or activities in the past year alone, I thought we could manage. The play was very well done, they enjoyed it, singing and dancing along. However, it was not void of the emotions of missing their Daddy. There were moments of sadness even while being happy.

Just before the show started, my younger daughter persistently asked, “Mommy, where is Daddy”. Frustrated she said “I want my Daddy now”, again she asked “Where is my Daddy” pounding lightly on my chest in annoyance. I told her Daddy was not here.  Pointing to the celling, she looked up and said, “Daddy is up in the sky”. She still had a questioning look on her face as she looked around the theater and noticed many other Daddies in the audience. It was clear to me that she was puzzled why these Dads are here and hers is up in the sky.

At intermission, my older daughter also said she missed her Dad. At the end of the show she wanted a souvenir that I did not buy because I told her she already had something similar at home. This was a very big mistake on my part as she cried hysterically in the car. Apparently something happened earlier in school that saddened her and my decision not to buy the doll trigger emotions from her rough day at school and also the loss of her Dad. She was so emotional that she said she is sad everyday since Daddy died. How can it be that my happy princess is sad everyday?

I regret the decision not to buy the doll.  While my goal is not to raise children that are overindulged, moving forward, I am suspending some of life’s little lesson to allow them as much sunshine and happiness because there is nothing left of me, if my children lose their sparkles and happiness.

I wish I could take their grief away and make it mine. I wish I can better prepare them for the series of emotions ahead and to understand that even in happiness the sadness of Daddy’s loss will be present. Beginning next week, we will start attending a grieving program focused on children….I hope this will help.