In an attempt to distract myself from the gloominess in my life after David went into hospice care, I shopped, shopped and shopped.  The shopping was done almost exclusively online. Once I clicked send, I started looking forward to the arrival of the items. Unfortunately, as each package arrived once I looked through the items there was always a sense of disappointment, I wondered why I even ordered the items or what made me eagerly await its arrival. It brought no relief in fact, I felt more emptiness and sadness plus I was overwhelmed with the thoughts of processing the returns or flattening the boxes for recycling.

As I think back, I am reminded that I went through a similar process after my Dad passed away, I will go to the mall and shop around hoping that a new item will help bring a little bit of cheer.

I am relieved to say that I was quick to curb this habit, it simply is not easing the pain from my grief.

UPDATE: so maybe shopping can bring a little bit of cheer.