How are the children doing?  This is a question I get often and it is very tough question to answer. It is one that weighs very heavily on my mind.  With two young kids, it is hard to fully understand how they are grieving or if the youngest one is grieving now or whether it will be delayed.

I have seen my older daughter look at pictures of her Dad and start getting teary eyed and then we talk about his memories and she is smiling again.  She knows the sadness of the loss as she consoled me as I mentioned in a previous blog post.

When my younger daughter woke up yesterday, the first thing she said was “I want my Daddy”.

My greatest desire is to raise the girls the way David and I will have raised them together which I pray would be the right way when I can look back and know I have done a good job. One of my greatest sadness is knowing they will not get to fully experience the love of their Dad, a love so great, for most of their lives and will have to settle for the short memories.

He was an amazing father:

• the one who took them out to play in the middle of snow blizzards when no one dared to step outside
• the one who took them to play in the rain and jump in the puddles of water or make paper-boat or bottle caps to flow with the current
• the one who took them to the creek to go in search of frogs
• the one who took them to the grocery store where they were well known and enjoyed the container of whipped cream before paying for the empty container at the register
• the one who soothed them to sleep and burped them as infants
• the one who threw them high in the sky as I watched them laugh hysterically
• the one who gave the best piggy back rides
• the one who created games out of his imagination (spider baby, did somebody say corn, tickle toes….), they laughed so hard their belly hurt
• the one who built hideout and fortress out of any material around the house
• the one who took them out to the playground regardless of the temperature

He played with them without fear and inhibition which helped them stride along bravely. Some times as I watched them play, I asked that they play gentler and they looked at me as the party pooper. He would sometimes reply that kids are made of rubber as they proceeded in their games.

While I cannot play with the energy and enthusiasm of David, I hope I can play with them with less inhibitions because to hear them laugh that hard again will be priceless.