Since school will be out for spring break, I plan to take the girls on vacation. It was a vacation we planned last year but could not make it and we kept postponing it due to David’s illness. We always remained optimistic that he would get a “break” and would be able to take the vacation…sadly, it was not the case.

My older daughter has been counting down to the break and frankly, I was looking forward to it as well.  Now I am overwhelmed, saddened, and afraid of going on a vacation without David, our pilot. How are we going on a vacation without David? How would I handle seeing other families that seem complete?  How will the kids handle seeing all the other Dads?  Is this life as I know it now?

David who always tried to ensure that I do not wait until the last minute to start packing (he never succeeded). David who always laughed at the amount of luggage I hauled as he fit all his items in a carry-on. David who could navigates well with an old fashioned map, in fact I think he secretly preferred it to the new age car navigation systems. David who put the “r” in relaxation once we get to our final destination.

I am also saddened as I realized that we will never have a family vacation picture with all of us in it. The last vacation we took together, how I wished I approached a stranger to take a picture of all four of us together. There is no more opportunity to do this and I am still beating myself up for that.

I know I will be constantly reminded of David on the vacation. I just hope sweet memories will get me through the sadness of missing him. I also hope that the girls will have a nice time even as they are reminded that we are incomplete without David.

The picture below is the closest to a family picture from our last vacation as we alternated taking pictures.