Proud Dad

Often times I have wondered why us, why David, why me. I realize I would never have the answer and the questions results in greater frustration.

I cry about my loss and almost as often, I cry for David who I believed was cheated out of life.  A life he loved so much. How he is missing out of growing old with his family. I wonder why his life had to be cut so short considering how full of life he was.

Some weeks ago, at the grief support group I attend, during our discussions, I had a breakthrough. David died early but I realized it was his time to go. It may sound obvious but until then I felt like it was not his time. I believed his time should have been much later. Several decades away. Most of all, I slowly came to the realization that David had fulfilled his destiny.

More than anything else, David wanted to have children. Against the odds, we were blessed with our two daughters that bring so much joy to life. He was a natural and it was his heart’s greatest desire and he lived long enough to enjoy the joy of being a Dad. Fatherhood was his destiny, a destiny fulfilled. One of my greatest desire is that our children never forget the greatness of their Dad and the love he had for his family.

During his life, he had come close to death many times. In fact, at birth, he was thought to be a blue baby and the priest gave him his last rite. Miraculously, he survived. In the military, he had other close encounters including having a bullet graze his scalp, being stabbed in the rib cage, luckily the knife missing his organs. These were battle scars that were visible on his body. Also, he told me about a last minute change that prevented him from boarding a military cargo plane that crashed.

After we met, he was in a ghastly car accident and walk away without a scratch. I never really understood the gravity of the accident until last year when I was some of the pictures he took of the car which was completely totally.

His life was short yet I believe his destiny was fulfilled. I hope this realization will help ease some of my frustrations as I try to embrace the fact that David survived many other close calls with death which allowed us to meet and also have a family. Slowly, this realization has brought me some comfort and hopefully some peace.