Category Archives: Road to victory

“I will not let you fall”

10 Monday Feb 2014

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My older daughter asked me yesterday, how exactly I met her Dad and I reminded her that it was at a roller skating rink.

I remember that day vividly, almost two decades ago on July 13. I went to the rink with some of my friends. David was in town on assignment. As an avid skater, he opted to go staking that night….

I skated around the rink once and I realized that years of not skating had made me develop a fear of falling. I proceeded to call it a night and have a seat. And there he was asking why I was leaving the rink. I explained that I was done, persistently he asked why? Innocently, I said I did not want to fall. He responded, “I will not let you fall“. We skated the night away and he kept me from thinking of falling by talking to me and holding my hands.

David was committed to this phrase throughout our relationship, he said it often and through thick and thin, he never let me fall. How I wish he was here now because I do not want to fall.

Cry me a river

08 Saturday Feb 2014

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Gosh I hate crying, I recall someone telling me it is therapeutic to cry.  I am completely unconvinced because the more I cry, the more mental and physical pain I feel.

How can I stop the uncontrollable tears? I recall that after my Dad passed, crying was constant and when I went back to work, I deliberately used mascara and eyeliner to avoid crying. It worked sometimes and other times I ended up looking like a singer from the band “KISS”.

Memories of David – from Ron

07 Friday Feb 2014

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As we try to come to terms with the loss of David, I find comfort in hearing from friends and family about different memories of David.  Here is one that came in as a blog comment from Ron, a very good friend of the family. Indeed, we have many memories especially of the time we spent as neighbors. In my post on Super Children, his daughter was the one who asked if it will be ok to share their Dad with my children.

It was sunny, about 80 degrees on a perfect Saturday. I was on my driveway working hard to assemble my daughters new Cozy Coupe. Bright red, cool yellow top and just few parts parts. Should be easy right? I was out there for hours trying to fit what seemed like a square peg in a round hole. Sweat pouring down my face, expletives being muttered under my breath…

When all of a sudden, out of nowhere comes David walking up to me. “Hey, need a hand with that? Been watching you out my window for a while and it looks like you could use some help with your project.” I said sure (I was so glad to see him…he might as well have been a Fisher Price Engineer). Before I had a chance to ask where his tools were the Cozy Coupe was upright on all four wheels and ready to roll.

This is not a story about how inept I am at putting toys together (he would laugh at that). Instead it’s just a quick story that shows what kind of man David was. Always willing to lend a hand, so caring and loving.

When I think of David I think of that day — picturing him laughing at me from his window across the street…it makes me smile. Keep watching good friend. We will miss you dearly.

Ron and family

Below is a picture of David assembling the same car with our older daughter.

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Sweet Dreams of David

06 Thursday Feb 2014

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IMG_2338In the last two days, the girls have said something about David as soon as they wake up reflecting their state of mind.

When my younger daughter woke up two days ago, the first thing she said was “I want my Daddy”.  I was taken aback by this because while that is a common phrase, it is usually used in the evening when she is resisting bedtime and wants her Dad to plead for her or when she and her Sister are playfully competing for his attention. Perhaps she was having some sweet dreams which was interrupted when she woke up.

The next day as soon as my older daughter woke up with the brightest smile on her face, she said “Mommy, I had the best dream of my life”.  She explained that she saw her Daddy and her Grandpa (David’s Dad also deceased) and that she and her Sister ran over to Daddy and gave him a hug. From the excitement in her voice, I knew that the dream brought so much joy to her and it helped her feel a closeness to her Dad, her hero.

I have not yet had any dreams of David, it may be due to my lack of sleep, I am sure they will come in time. However, I am afraid that such dreams will bring sadness when I wake up since it will be reminder that it was only a dream and I no longer have David to touch and to hold.

How are the children doing?

04 Tuesday Feb 2014

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How are the children doing?  This is a question I get often and it is very tough question to answer. It is one that weighs very heavily on my mind.  With two young kids, it is hard to fully understand how they are grieving or if the youngest one is grieving now or whether it will be delayed.

I have seen my older daughter look at pictures of her Dad and start getting teary eyed and then we talk about his memories and she is smiling again.  She knows the sadness of the loss as she consoled me as I mentioned in a previous blog post.

When my younger daughter woke up yesterday, the first thing she said was “I want my Daddy”.

My greatest desire is to raise the girls the way David and I will have raised them together which I pray would be the right way when I can look back and know I have done a good job. One of my greatest sadness is knowing they will not get to fully experience the love of their Dad, a love so great, for most of their lives and will have to settle for the short memories.

He was an amazing father:

  • the one who took them out to play in the middle of snow blizzards when no one dared to step outside
  • the one who took them to play in the rain and jump in the puddles of water or make paper-boat or bottle caps to flow with the current
  • the one who took them to the creek to go in search of frogs
  • the one who took them to the grocery store where they were well known and enjoyed the container of whipped cream before paying for the empty container at the register
  • the one who soothed them to sleep and burped them as infants
  • the one who threw them high in the sky as I watched them laugh hysterically
  • the one who gave the best piggy back rides
  • the one who created games out of his imagination (spider baby, did somebody say corn, tickle toes….), they laughed so hard their belly hurt
  • the one who built hideout and fortress out of any material around the house
  • the one who took them out to the playground regardless of the temperature

He played with them without fear and inhibition which helped them stride along bravely. Some times as I watched them play, I asked that they play gentler and they looked at me as the party pooper. He would sometimes reply that kids are made of rubber as they proceeded in their games.

While I cannot play with the energy and enthusiasm of David, I hope I can play with them with less inhibitions because to hear them laugh that hard again will be priceless.

Message from my big brother

03 Monday Feb 2014

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For everyone that is sharing the pain and grief with us, thank you because it is a pain I truly cannot bear alone. Here is the message my older brother posted as a comment and I decided to share it as a post.  Thank you for your words of kindness and encouragement.

Dear Sister,

I don’t really know where to begin or how to address this situation, especially addressing my darling wonderful younger sister. I was not going to say or write anything with regards to this blog etc. Because my sister had the courage to put this up, i can only attempt to say something befitting in writing, since i know it will almost be impossible for me to speak at his burial, due to the emotions and grief i feel. We are all devastated, but i know the burden lies primarily mostly on you and your girls. From the moment i learnt about David’s illness, i have only tried to wish it away and hope for some divine intervention.

Let me attempt to quickly say the following, you loved David beyond words could express, when i visited David this past August while on Admission in NY, it was then i realized that the situation was rather critical and the way my sister managed her kids, her highly demanding executive role and even us her siblings was very encouraging. I recall speaking to my mom while visiting with my wife and kids and the decision i made to terminate a pre-planned wedding in the UK to spend unknown to me my last weekend with David. I am so grateful and thankful that i was able to see David for the very last time in August 2013. I also recall the lunch i had with my Sisters in Manhattan. I truly did not know what to say rather than just being there for her.

David was a great person, fantastic family man, funny guy, and God fearing man. He was protective and also accepting towards all of us, especially me being the older brother to his wife.

Sis, the time you spent with David while it appears short is perhaps equivalent to 5 or 6 decades, the intensity of your relationship and what you were able to achieve is quite significant.

You and your girls will overcome this and become closer and great at whatever you do.

Just as we overcame the loss of our dad and you became who you are today, the same will happen again today.

i am happy that David is no longer in pain and his finally resting peacefully.

Please take heart and accept my warmest and most unconditional love i have towards you and your girls.. Rest assured i will try and play a more pivotal role towards your daughters and also my kids will become even closer with yours.

I pray that God grants us all the privilege you have had to meet someone and love the person as much as you did.

You guys gave it all you had.

He had access to the best family, care and treatment.

it shall be well with you and your girls

Mom please provide the support and guidance you can as always to my sister and your daughter.

I love you all and will see you soon.

Regards
Tunji

Super Children

02 Sunday Feb 2014

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I have definitely learned a lot from the wisdom of our children. They are the source of strength and fortitude for us.

In the need to preserve the innocence of our children, we tried to shield them from most of the information on David’s illness. However, they picked up so much and my older daughter even knew the name of David’s doctors and some of his medications.  Eventually, I realized I needed to be more open with them.

So yesterday when my older daughter heard me crying, I did not pretend that I was not. She asked “are you crying because of Daddy?”. I said yes and she ran over and gave me the tightest hug and kiss. I felt a soothing relief and also realized that David’s legacy will truly live on in our children since they have so much of his loving personality.

Later in the day, while speaking with one of our good family friends, she told me that after she informed her five year old daughter of David’s passing, her daughter asked if they can share their Dad with my children. That melted my heart!