My younger daughter’s birthday was one of many “firsts” we have had without David in the last two months. Her birth was one of my proudness moments and was the best part of  2011. It is what I want to take away from that year.

I recall that a month after we were rejoicing about the excitement of having another baby, we quickly became devastated with the fear of cancer and the potential extent. At that time, it made no sense why universe was so cruel, allowing me to be pregnant while we were dealing with the horrors of cancer. Quickly, I realized that the pregnancy was why I had to be stronger. I had to take care of myself to take care of our baby. So, despite of the challenges of that period, I was strengthen by the needs of my unborn child and my older daughter.

It is now even more apparent that the pregnancy at that time was a blessing that came at the right time and the only time. I am so thankful to God. My daughters have each other and love each other so much. Together, they fill the house with so much joy and laughter. They are the reason we fought so hard and the reason I continue to stand.

For my younger daughter’s birthday this month, I knew that it had to be celebrated as David and I would have done in the past. Last year knowing David’s state of health, I tried to discourage my older daughter from having a birthday but David would not have it, he insisted that we celebrate her birthday. Similarly, the first time he had chemo and was still recovering from the aftermath, he was adamant that we celebrate our daughter’s birthday.

David knew how much fun it is for the girls and he also knew I enjoyed doing the crafts and/or baking in preparation for the birthday. I certainly had some satisfaction preparing from my daughter’s birthday. I also missed David terribly. I missed bugging him with silly questions on what to do, assigning projects to him, and having him ensure that anything I made was symmetrical.

In preparation for my daughter’s birthday, as I assembled a table with help from my Sister, I felt a burst of David within me. I seriously could not have done it in the past. I had a sense of pride with the birthday because I was feeling like DaMa,  it felt like David was living within me and helping me accomplish things that would have seemed impossible before.

Most importantly, I was happy because the girls were having a great time.  Thanks to those that helped or joined in celebrating my daughter’s birthday and a big thank you to a dear friend that worked tirelessly taking pictures (including the one above). The last two months have been so rough and you all helped make end it on a high note.

While we had a really nice day, we went to bed crying because even in moments of happiness the constant void in our life without David is so painful.