Last week, my older daughter said “DaMa, that is your new name because you are half Daddy and half Mommy”. I was touched by her positive comment and my new name since it was her reflection on how we are doing. In moment of sadness as I over analyzed the comment with a less optimistic view, it was upsetting that DaMa only allows my daughters to get our half of their Dad and half of me. They deserve 100% Daddy and 100% Mommy.

The girls continue to miss their Dad and speak of him often. They also continue to cry for him. One evening as my older daughter was getting ready for bed, she cried because it was a classmate’s birthday and his Dad came to their class for the celebration and she was reminded that her Dad will never be able to come to her school for her birthday.

The crying seems worse with my younger daughter, she cries for him in so many situations. She also refers to him as often as possible. When she wanted a treat and I said there is none she said “I want Daddy to buy me some treats”. When she stuck my phone in a crevices that was unreachable, as I looked at her upset, sheepishly, she looked at me and said, I want my Daddy to help get it.

I know her level of understanding regarding David’s passing continues to improve. Yesterday she said to me “I miss my Daddy”.  In the past, her communication was centered around waiting for Daddy i.e. I want Daddy back, where is my Daddy etc….all reflecting the longing for him to come home.  Following her comment, we looked at pictures of David together and I reminded her that Daddy is in her heart and she reached for the picture and then towards her heart.

Below is a picture of us trying to make the most of the summer. The shirt I am wearing was sent to me by my brother and reads “My love is based on a true story”. I felt so happy wearing the shirt as it reminded me of David, I think I can wear it everyday.